Hey, Veteran Moms, Newbie Moms Need Your Guidance and Support

I had the pleasure today of meeting with the Abington Moms Club today in Roslyn PA. (Thanks for having me, ladies!) What a terrific group of moms. Although the day was yucky and rainy, inside was warm and welcoming. I am happy to report that the Abington Moms passed my "New Mom Test" with flying colors. I am also happy to report that the participants guessed at my purpose in administering the "new mom test." I'd like to tell the rest of you the purpose of the test but you have to take the test to learn it for yourself! (ie. Invite me to come to your group to find out!)

After the meeting, kind of like "Oprah after the Show," I got to talk one on one with the moms and one conversation struck a chord with me. We talked about the fact that the moms who survive motherhood, or the veteran moms, as I like to call them, do not stick around to tell the tale. Once they are done with motherhood, in other words, they are done, and finding anyone around to help a new mom or share some insight is as hard to find as a part-time job with benefits.

I have a theory about the scattering of veteran moms to the four corners of the earth after their kids hit kindergarten. Primarily, I think early motherhood - those years of sleepless nights, oatmeal-crusted hair, sweatsuit wardrobes, and constant baby-worry - is so tough for women that once it's over they never want to look back, let alone revisit it. I can't tell you how many of my friends, who in their support of me bought my book for new moms, read it, and said, "How did you remember all this stuff about new motherhood, I can't remember a thing."

Not that there is anything wrong with that. When Moms are done with "babyland" it's a milestone, and the "mommy amnesia" is understandable. The problem is that these vet moms have so much support, experience, and humor that they could share with the moms who come after them that it's a darn shame, if you ask me, that these two groups can't get together more often. New moms are very vulnerable and can feel alone and isolated. One of the gals from the group that I chatted with today, told me how she felt she had no one to talk to who really understood what she was going through as a new mom. Now that her sister has become a new mom, she has taken the role of mother hen, - guiding her sister, easing her worry, encouraging her to do things for herself. It's a beautiful thing and if you ask me, which you didn't, but I'm going to tell you anyway, the way things should be.

I obviously feel this way because it's what I do. I talk to moms groups all over the country, sharing stories, honesty, humor and help about motherhood so new moms know they are not alone. I guess in a way I'm every one's big sister. I love to do it, too. Sharing a story that touches a nerve or gets moms thinking or talking is my favorite thing to do.

If you are part of a Mom's club or book club or would be interested in an evening "Cocktails & Conversation" program where I come and speak to your group, free of charge, let me know. I'll go anywhere in the Tri-state area (PA, NJ, DE). If you are out of state, I'll come if you can cover my travel... especially if you are in the CA Bay Area... In the meantime, let me know about your mentors. Who helped you the most with honest, straightforward talk about motherhood?
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And You Thought Marriage was Hard, Try Finding The Perfect Couple to Couple With

The Wall Street Journal's Elizabeth Bernstein wrote a fun column that explores the issue of couples dating. Why are the nuances of couples dating? Why do couples want to hang with other couples? You can see Ms Bernstein's lighthearted article here.

For many couples, especially those who have been married for a long time, the effort to find new couples to, well, couple with, may not seem worth it. There is definitely effort involved when courting potential couples. You still need to worry about what you wear, the place you choose to dine, and the topics discussed. You want to be on your game, funny when the time calls for it, sensitive when appropriate, try desperately not to mention something that may be offensive and do all of the above, times two! And then at the end of the evening, there's that moment that Bernstein mentions in the article - the end of the couple date "moment" - to hug or not to hug. If I move in for the hug and they don't, I've blown it. If they reach in for the hug and I pull away, I'm crossed off their list.

For many couples, especially those who have been together a long time, the need to expand their couples list may not be expedient. I would have put myself and my husband in that category, too, until the unthinkable happened, we had to move, 3000 miles away! When my husband and I moved to Los Altos, CA 7 years ago, we didn't know a soul and our "finding a couple" skills were rusty!

Although my husband and I dig each other and have a lot in common, we did feel the need to get out there with other couples. Bernstein says the reason for this need to reach out is two-fold. Number one, "if you have friends who enjoy you as a couple, you may feel better about your union." Number two, "the process of making new friends together may inject energy into your relationship and give you something to bond over." We had one more reason, we needed to put a name in the "emergency contact" space of our children's school forms. Regardless of the reasons, we knew we had to get back in the game.

Our strategy was simple - when someone asked us to go somewhere, we said "yes." In Los Altos, CA, having the opportunity to say "yes" was easy. The folks in the Bay Area were so nice that they instantly included us in their "reindeer games." Our first outing was a "real life" pig roast party. All the couples in the school community were invited. My husband and I took it slow and talked to people briefly making sure we didn't monopolize anyone. We had a good time. We had our first experience under our belts. I honestly can't remember if hugging was involved, but whatever we did do worked because for the two years we spent in CA, we had a group of couples friends we hung with, vacationed with, dined with, and skied with. (Yes, skied with. In CA, they actually have a week devoted to skiing called "ski week") By the end of our stay, the hug at the end of the night was not an issue - we hugged and did so enthusiastically.

Tell me your couples dating story. Do you have a real doozy of a story, where the date fell apart? Maybe you've learned a tip that will help other couples succeed in their couples relationships. Tell me all about it.

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Civilian Officer, Mother, Kimberly Munley Saves Countless Lives With Her Heroism at Fort Hood

According to the TimesOnline, she was the first responder to the scene at Fort Hood, she engaged the shooter, and she continued her fire on him after she herself was shot. Hats off to Kimberly Munley, mother of a three year old girl, who did her job using something women were not born with, but definitely have - Balls!

You can check out the rest of the story here by Chris Ayres at TimesOnline.com.



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Down and Dirty Without The Sugar Coating, "Stand By Her" A Powerful Book for The Men of the Women Who Have Breast Cancer

October was breast cancer month and I know that I'm late, but I had to tell you about a new book by John Anderson called "Stand By Her." Here's a guy who's had almost every woman in his life in a breast cancer fight. He decided to do something amazing with that experience, tell the men of the world who have a woman in their life (any woman - a sister, a mother, a wife, a daughter) how to cope and be the best kind of support for their loved one. The first few pages will knock your socks off.

When I was first told about this book (Mr. Anderson and I have the same publisher, AMACOM Books) I was hesitant to take it on. No woman likes to think about breast cancer. By now, all women know the grim statistics although it always sobering to hear that 1 in 8 women will diagnosed with breast cancer. For many of us, we would rather not think about it. Myself included.

I had a lump in my breast, found on my first gynecological appointment at the tender age of 22, five months before my wedding. The doctor who found the lump, very coldly informed me that the lump was hard, it most-likely was not going away, but that my "chances" were good. She handed me a tissue before she asked me to spread my legs and scoot down to the end of the table. Thanks goodness, her choice of surgeon was much better than her bedside manner. My surgeon, Dr. Marcia Borass, with Fox Chase Cancer Center and Jeanes Hospital on first examination, informed me she was going in to take the lump out - no preliminary testing, no aspiration, she was going to take it out - and take it out she did. Luckily, the lump was not cancerous, but I will never be 100% confident about the health of my boobs.

Reading a book on breast cancer almost felt like tempting fate, but I was so intrigued by the idea of a breast cancer book, by a man, for men, that I took the plunge. I'm glad I did. Anderson speaks honestly, sensitively, and informatively to his audience. Any reader picking up this book will learn the in's and out's of the breast cancer process: from the history of breast cancer, to diagnosis, surgery, treatment, and survival after treatment. You see, as Anderson informs us, breast cancer does not have to be a death sentence. By the same token, how a man handles the illness, his own feelings, and the care of his loved one can have lasting effects on his relationships.

If you think that this book is a treatise to men on how to be the perfect spouse, think again, Anderson reveals his own story warts and all. The help is in the honesty, research and experience. The brilliance of the book is the author's ability to lay it out for men in a way only men can understand - down and dirty without the sugar coating. I also loved that in each section of the book, Anderson spells out how a brother, father, and husband can help, instead of simply detailing a husband's role. This book is a very compelling read and I believe, a precious gift and powerful weapon in the fight against breast cancer. Well done, Mr Anderson!

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I'm Not A Slacker, I'm Doing The Work

If you've noticed that I haven't been posting many blogs over the last few weeks, I want to assure you, I have been writing, I'm not a slacker, I'm doing the work. For the last two weeks, I've been guest blogger for a blog tour with several different blogs. They post the blog and I provide the content or answer interview questions. Some of these blog posts have been about my book, It Gets Easier! some have been about different aspects of writing and publishing - pretty interesting stuff, actually.

I'm including these blogs below along with the topic discussed in case you are interested or know someone who is interested in the topic, also to prove to you that I am NOT a slacker. The blog tour, by the way, was brilliantly run my WOW - Women on Writing. If you are interested in a blog tour for your book or business, get in touch with them, they've done an excellent job. Email Jodi on the WOW! Women on Writing Website to find out more information.

Here are the blogs and the topics discussed. Check out the ones that interest you.

The Muffin - Interview with me about book publishing and why I wrote the book, plus I reveal the the biggest lie we tell new mothers and the biggest lie we tell new writers.

Cathy C. Hall's blog - I fill in Cathy's "What Not To Do Wednesday" with a list of "What not to do when trying to find a publisher."

WordHustlerInk - I answer interview questions about landing an agent, producing a book, combining writing and motherhood, as well as tips for aspiring writers.

Paperback Swap - The eight lies we tell new mothers are revealed and debunked!

Whole Latte Life - The best public speaking tips you'll ever discover!

Ramblings of a Texas Housewife - Interview where I reveal the biggest lie I was ever told as a new mom and the best piece of advice i ever received as a new mom.

Mom-e-centric - The inside story on how It Gets Easier! and other lies we tell new mothers came to be and I think why it's needed.

Meryl.net - Finding the time to write (or quite frankly to do whatever it is that you want to do), and why it's so important to give some of your precious time to your dreams.

Hell or High Water Writer - Creative ideas for interviewing like a pro.

From A Desperate Housewife - A simply hilarious post (I didn't write it!) on the trials of explaining your "at home mom status to a friend you haven't seen in years as well as the horror of being unequipped to play "action figures" with your son.

So, see, I haven't been blowing you off, or idle, I've just been spreading it around a bit. Whatever "it" is. Hope you find some humor and great info in the blog posts above. Let me know what you like the best and tell all your friends.
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You've Never Seen Anything Like This, It Will Amaze You

The Ukraine has it's own Got Talent show. This year's winner, Kseniya Simonova had the most amazing and unique performance. You've never seen anything like this.




What do think of this. Have you ever heard of sand art as an art form? It's quite powerful, isn't it?
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Help4NewMoms October Newsletter Starring a Must-Have LipGloss

Help4NewMoms Newsletter 10/30/09.

Here's the October Help4newmoms Newsletter. To subscribe, just drop me a note at claudine@help4newmoms.com.

October's here and with it another birthday for me, a desire to cook again - surprise, surprise - and thoughts of how to find the best information to help new moms...

In This Issue~~~~
***Easy Chicken Recipe
***The Eight Lies We Tell New Mothers by Me... Win a book!
*** Lip Gloss Pick of the Month
*** The Book You Have To Get Your Hands On

Note: Amazon.com has the best deal of all time - It Gets Easier! and Other Lies We Tell New Mothers! on sale for just $11.20, don't miss this great deal!
PS. Follow me on Twitter!

Easy Chicken Recipe:
This recipe was given to me my friend, Sharon, when I was complaining about not having any idea what to make for dinner that my kids would actually eat. I'm sure I'm the only one with THAT problem!

Here's what you do:
Bake or cook 4 boneless chicken breasts in olive oil and/or butter until done. Cook some rotini pasta. Prepare an envelope Knorr creamy pesto sauce and toss everything together. That's it! Add a salad and a loaf of fresh bread and you've got a meal the whole family will eat! Except the baby, of course.

The Eight Lies We Tell New Mothers
Here they are ladies, the Eight Lies We Tell New Mothers. Am I right? Add your own Lies by emailing me at Claudine@help4newmoms.com and I'll give a book to the first three responses I get - plus I'll post them on my blog at Help4NewMoms.com and at HybridMom.com.

Obviously, the first Lie is in the title of my book or It Gets Easier! Motherhood certainly doesn't get easier on its own. New challenges replace old challenges, but there are some things you can do, now, to make motherhood a bit easier

All moms love new motherhood. You've finally been introduced to the baby youve carried for nine months, all should be bliss, right? Wrong. Truth is, many new moms are shocked at the physical and emotional demands of new motherhood. They love their baby, of course, but new motherhood is anything but a pleasurable experience. Finding out that moms are not alone in feeling a bit shell-shocked can go a long way toward enjoying motherhood.

Some babies sleep through the night the moment they get home from the hospital. This is a legend created to insure procreation. Just the chance that your baby may be the Wonka Golden Ticket and sleep through the night on his first day of life and doesnt, can be disappointing .

Holding a baby can spoil a baby. Not so. Hold as much as you like. The trick is to put the baby down drowsy, not completely asleep to help teach him how to get himself to sleep.
Mom needs to be with her baby at all times. Finding a suitable replacement can be the first step toward being the best mom you can be. Every new mom needs a break from baby or she will overload and burn-out.

Only a relative is a suitable caregiver. No way. The best babysitters are the one you are not related to. Sometimes a mom needs to escape without having to explain that she is checking out the latest Eric Bana movie.

Breastfeeding is easy. Breastfeeding may be natural but it is not easy for many new moms. It is, as they say, a learned skill that requires practice and instruction. Watching another nursing mom can be a great way to learn this skill. (Just make sure you know her, gawking after a breastfeeding stranger could be a bit creepy.)

Husbands don't mind if your sex life takes months and months to resume. Although spouses are certainly understanding in this department, make no mistake, they are anxious to get back in the saddle (dont be surprised if you want to get back in the saddle, too). Make sure you talk about it and make a plan to do it when your doctor says its ok.

This Month's Lipgloss Pick is.....
This is a new section to the newsletter. I love lipgloss and lipstick. It's cheap and quick and it makes me happy. I travel far (on the internet) and wide to find the best stuff and lucky you, I'm going to share my knowledge with you. This month's pick for best lip gloss is The Body Shop's liquid lip colour in the shade Pale Pink #13. This lip gloss can be worn alone or with another color. It feels good, it tastes good and it has a nice subtle shimmer to it. Check it out.

This Month's Book You Have To Read is "The Little Book" by Selden Edwards. A friend of mine told me this book was a real treat and I'm glad that I followed her sage advice. This book is creative, well-written, entertaining, and educational. I love it when a book is both challenging and comfortable at the same time, like slipping into a old lounge chair while watching an intelligent thriller. The writing is so gosh-darn good, I'm jealous at the same time as I am savoring every deliciously put- together sentence.

The main character in the story, Wheeler, has traveled back into time and landed right in the middle of 1897 Vienna. It's an interesting time in history and also an interesting time for Wheeler who uses everything at his disposal- his knowledge of history, his knowledge of his past, and his knowledge of his family's past to blend in and survive. Along the way he meets folks who have touched his life or the lives of those close to him in one way or another, in one time and place or another. If this all seems confusing, it's not, the Edwards does as a fantastic job of making things crystal clear to the reader and at the same time keeping the reader on her toes.

This book is a triumph as a mystery, a thriller, a romance, and strictly on its literary merits. It's the perfect escape book for any new mom. If you don't believe me, ask Bill Clinton. He's a fan of this masterpiece as well. Check out his insights on the blog "Jacket Copy."

What book have you read recently that you thought was so good, you didn't want to put it down?
Share it with us.






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